Ramblings Of A SAHM

Harboring Anger.

Y’all, I’m mad.

And the sad part is I didn’t even realize it until the other day. I have been harboring some majorly BAD juju. And I’ve been stubborn enough to think that if I harbored it long enough, that it would just go away. That I wouldn’t have to address how I really feel inside.

But this week it all came bubbling to the surface.

You see, I’ve been taught to respect God. To fear God. To trust in his plan for me. And for some reason; I got it in my brain that if I was who I said I was, that meant I couldn’t be mad at Him. That I couldn’t lash out, and tell Him exactly how I feel.

Because that would make me disrespectful, and that would mean that I didn’t honor Him.

Then in my car as I was sitting in the driveway doing my Bible Study. I was reading about Job.

You know Job, he’s the guy who loved God, who did everything he was told to do, and in a short time God took everything away. Job did nothing wrong, but you see God had a plan & this was a test for Job.

While I was reading about Job, I learned that it’s absolutely OK to tell God how you feel, to yell, to scream, to cry and to be mad. He already knows, but in order to have a relationship with God, you have to be honest with Him & yourself. You actually have to have communication.

I was listening to and for God, but I wasn’t giving much on my end. I was saying thank you for a lot of things, but I wasn’t sharing how I was really feeling inside. I was ashamed, and embarrassed about what I was feeling.

But I made a decision right then and there. That I was going to give it a try.

So I sat there in my car, and I YELLED. I did not hold back.

I told him exactly how I was feeling. That I was broken, that I was lost, I was angry, I felt abandoned, and that I was defeated.

And in a matter of moments I felt this immense weight lifted off of my shoulders, and I started to sob.

My problems did not go away, but by telling God how I was feeling He was able to help carry the weight that I had been dragging along with me for what feels like an eternity.

God can and will carry your burdens, but you have to give them over to Him. You have to ask for His help, and admit truthfully what you are going through.

He may know all, but without your consent He can’t carry your burdens for you.

You see, these trials that we have been given serve a much bigger purpose. Ones that we can’t even fathom because it all ties together in the tapestry of life.

There are lessons, not only for us to learn but for others to learn as well.

Did you know you were allowed to get mad?

Instead of hiding your feelings, like I was doing, you are allowed to speak out. To say what you feel, and to confess exactly how you are feeling.

Did you know you are allowed to be the human that you were created to be? God does NOT expect perfection, what is expected is for us to try.

It’s not always easy to admit how we feel. To admit that we can’t handle it all on our own, but we aren’t meant to. That’s actually the opposite of the point.

God wants us to rely on Him, to throw our hands up in the air and say, “I can’t do this alone, I need you.” And when we finally give up our stubbornness and allow Him in, it doesn’t get easier but it most definitely becomes bearable.

We were not created to walk this Earth alone, to harbor anger. We were sent here to find Him, to create a relationship with Him, and fulfill our purpose.

Stewing in anger only prevents us from achieving the above.

So I want to know, are you harboring anger? Have you been hiding your heart from God? Have you been too upset with Him to talk to Him? Or are you ashamed of what you feel, because it may seem petty or silly?

If you are harboring anger, I want you to resolve it with Him today. Make it easier on yourself, hand it over to God. He may not be able to take your struggles away, they may serve a higher purpose, but He can most definitely lighten your load.

Allow Him to do that for you.

Open up the lines of communication. Get angry. Tell Him how you feel. You owe it to yourself to do just that.

Want to address your anger even more? Check out the book Stuck by Jennie Allen

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