Ramblings Of A SAHM

Fantasy Girl

Sometimes I have this fantasy version of who I am in my head.

I am the Mom whose kids are always dressed in the cutest boutique style clothing. I am the woman who loves to go out with her friends and socialize. I am the boss babe who is wildly successful.

I am the hostess who puts on killer dinner parties, complete with fine china and linens. I am the go-getter who volunteers at her kids’ school and is president of the PTA or O whatever you want to call it.

I am the loving wife who has the house immaculate every single day, who cooks elaborate meals. The Christian girl who knows the Bible front and back without cracking open the cover.

I’ve been chasing this woman for as long as I can remember. I strive to be her, and I am tough on her when I fall short. Which happens way more often than not.

The truth is I have been chasing the wrong things. Because instead of trying to be a better version of myself, I’m just trying to be somebody that I am not.

Like my favorite author, Holley Gerth reminded me…you can’t change who you are, you can only grow more into who YOU are.

The truth is…

I may seem like an extrovert, but I am a total introvert. I love deep conversations and despise small talk. I am not little miss socialite, in fact, I am the friend who comes up with excuses as to why I can’t make the get-together.

I am the wife who prefers to stay home in her comfy clothes and snuggle up to watch a movie with her family.

I don’t volunteer at school because the pressure of perfection would be too much. I don’t host parties, not even birthday parties. I’m the girl who says let’s get together but never does.

I dream of being a public speaker but am a homebody, and would never want to travel all the time.

I’m the awkward girl when you first meet me. I refuse to answer my phone more often than not. I like texting, I prefer texting because I can really think through what I want to say.

And more often than not my house looks like a time bomb went off. It’s not always pretty.

The truth is I know who I am. I’ve known it for a good while now. But that’s not the tricky part.

The tricky part is learning to embrace who I am.

Instead of striving to be a person that I am not. Who in all truth, really stresses me out. The girl I strive to be is exhausting and totally unrealistic.

She actually sucks the joy out of my life.

Instead of trying to be her, and failing miserably. I am trying to strengthen my strengths. To see the woman I really am…and just embrace it. To find my way in life through her and not some distorted fantasy girl.

We all have areas in our life we want to improve. But the key here is IMPROVE.

When we get down to it, we don’t really need to change who we are, we just need to grow. To play off of our strengths and try not to let our weaknesses be in control.

So say goodbye to the Stepford Wife or whatever perfect version you see yourself as…

Let yourself off the hook, and allow yourself to be the way you were created to be.

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